What was to be my most recent facebook photo

The Set Up

Think about the phrase "set up." Imagine James Bond or Jack Bauer saying "I've been set up." It typically implies negative connotations. It means something bad is bound to happen. And there is where I begin.

Recently, in a conversation about blind dates/set ups, I made it abundantly clear that I want no part of either... ever. You might ask me why and I'll give the easy answer, "because I can handle these things on my own," but there's more to it than that.

Have you ever had one of those days where you knew your breath was just attrocious and then somebody offers you gum... or a mint... or a toothbrush? You immediately assume it's because you have some rancid halitosis, but they insist its just a gesture of goodwill. Well, it's the same with set ups. If you're trying to set me up with somebody, it very well could be an act of kindness/thought... but if I'm lacking in that department, it's gonna feel very similar to the offering of gum.

Point number two: People think they know but they have no idea. It's like this. You like fruit, you love cake. Somebody gets you a fruitcake as a gift. You regift it or throw it out. Unfortunately you cannot do that with a 'set up' date. However, it would be pretty awesome... "Hey, yeah, I'm not really feeling this... between us. But, I have this friend you'd love..." Anyhow, when people try to set others up, they see them as one (possibly two) dimensional. Most of the times, a 'set up' date ends up being like a pair of socks for Christmas; Sure they're warm and cuddly, but there's no thought involved. No personality connection. And it always comes down to who the "setter upper" thinks you should be with, not what's good for you, or what kind of chemistry there would be (because there's simply no possible way for them to know that about you).

And you're practically forced to like them. I mean, what kind of friend are you if you don't immediately like somebody they thought you'd be good with. If you don't like them, it's like you're telling your 'setter upper' that they're an awful friend because they don't even know what you like. And, let's be honest. It's true. I mean, I can't allow myself to be set up by a friend simply because of the risk. If I don't like the person I'm set up with, then I just can't be friends with my setter upper any more.

Lastly, ask yourself why people set people up with other people... people (just threw that one in there for good measure). Most of the time its so they can say that they were the match-maker. And let's be honest, girls are the only ones who do that. If a guy tries to set you up with somebody it's because you asked them to... or his girlfriend did.

Anyways, I'll leave you with a question... Can I have some gum?

Demoted!

Kansas City, MO -- Felines have had it good. Perhaps too good. For many years they have flaunted their nine lives like a hillbilly with a fishing trophy. The "I always land on my feet" gig can only last so long.

In what has been called a triumph of science over sentiment, a highly controversial study has proven that the living generation of cats has only eight lives. The study, highly opposed by members of People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and cartoonist Jim Davis, claims that cats of yore did have nine lives, but this generation has lost a life to a number of factors.

The first of which is a sedentary lifestyle. Exercise scientists claim that cats don't exercise nearly as much as they used to. According to Mike Brown of the California Institute of Technology, "They had it coming. All they do is eat and sleep. If the average human lived the way modern cats do, they would have a sudden onslaught of diabetes, heart attack, and stroke by the age of 12."

Global warming has also been cited as a cause. No evidence could be found to back this up, but come on, it's global warming. That kind of credibility stands on its own.

NASA's scientists, in an effort to keep pace with the quick-advancing world of zoology, has now demoted one of its famous nine, by giving Pluto the boot.

In other news, MLB is looking into shaving an inning off the game, citing studies that prove higher attendance and more thrilling games.

Learn about NADS

Well, you'd assume from the title that I'm gonna be talking about male genitalia. And you couldn't be more right... in a round-about way, I reckon. Actually, this has nothing at all to do with the PEN-15 club.

Have you ever liked a girl, but just didn't "like-like" her, and you wanted to hang? Would you give your three best crayons to be able to date a girl without really dating her? Do you like toast? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, or even other questions, then read on for an adventure of a lifetime (of course, if you're a girl you can exchange the word 'girl' for 'boy,' you don't have to be a switch-hitter to continue reading).

Revolutionary ideas come once in a blue moon (that's a dumb phrase unless you think about it in reference to the blue man group), and here it is. It's called NADs. It stand for Not A Dates. Here, you can have a one on one 'date' without thinking "oh she's nice, but not really my type" or worrying that she's thinking "I'm so in love with Nick right now, GOSH... He's just so freaking adorable. I just want to wrap him up in toilet paper and flush him right down my toilet of love." I mean, these thoughts can straight up ruin a great time. So, you just have a NAD. What it is, it's practice... for you both. On top of that, it's a bonding experience. You can have NADs with girls you like, it just takes away any expectations. It's saying to yourself (and preferably to her, so it works out like true NADs), "Hey, I like spending time with you... and I think I want to know you better cuz you seem totally rad. But I don't want any sort of date connotations out of this." It's a mind-set. And it works.

But here's your warning label. NADs are to be used very, very carefully. If you get your NADs in a tight spot, people can get hurt... badly. Be sure your 'partner' knows you're pulling out the NADs. Because if she/he doesn't, they can get really confused. And getting NADs dropped in your lap when you're totally not expecting 'em totally sucks. So, friends, when you have NADs, use them carefully. If you want to go out on NADs, the other person better know, or else they'll just think it's a date... possibly hoping for a second, third, marriage. And when one person wants wedding bells and the other just wants some NADs, things get a bit hairy.

Yeah, there was no double-entendre there at all.

My Four Years

Okay... I had an entire post for y'all. But it didn't belong here. It was a bit of venting and emotions and whatnot surrounding my last day of work on Friday. Four years of working for the Boys and Girls Club of Lawrence coming to a close in just a day. Long story short, my tenure is comparable to my 3-day journey through the Grand Canyon. Let me tell you a bit about the Grand Canyon.

Summer. 2004. Myself, six friends, and a 15 passenger van embark upon a road trip of wits, survival, and glory. We camped, white water rafted in Colorado, gambled in Vegas, swam icy waters in Utah, beached in Cali, and topped it off with a more than hands-on approach to the Grandest Canyon. Now, we just took what we could get with the trails. All of them were booked except one for advanced hikers, so we took it. Had any of us ever hiked before? Nope. But we had that college 'can do' mentality. We had four conditioned D-1 athletes and three able bodied other guys. It was going to be a breeze.

We arrive at our starting point at 3am after long hours of driving. Our path was to descend 8 miles to the Colorado River, camp out on the beach, 6 miles to a creek, camp out, then 7 miles back up. 21 total miles in a U-shape. However, our starting point was 6 miles from our ending point. So we arrive 3am, drop off Chris, Evan, and our packs, then drive to the ending point... and walk back. 6am: we break the surface of our descent. My pack is cutting off the circulation to my shoulders. It's obviously meant for somebody larger. Steve volunteers to switch with me. However, he was one of our conditioned athletes, his pack was a good 15 lbs heavier. I managed for a while, till my legs died on me. 10am: temperatures exceeding 100 degrees. Doesn't phase us. We get off 'trail' (not really a trail, more of a couple natural markings telling us where we kinda should be, not great markers). Adds a couple miles to the trip. Halfway down, I can barely move... gotta keep on truckin. 3pm: finally make it to the river... it's freezing. I use it to ice my ankles. Keep in mind we were descending with heavy packs on loose red rock.... it works muscles you never knew you had. Needless to say, I was doubting my ability to be able to move the next day. I have never prayed harder for help. And being able to get through day two was the greatest display of divine intervention I've ever seen. I woke up on day 2 weightless, and led the pack to our next destination. The ascent was rediculous. We got up a little before 5am to begin. Barely made it up by 4. I had to take breaks every 50 steps to wet my mouth with the couple drops I could spare from my Nalgene. In this heat, we weren't wise and only carried 2 a piece. We'd fill them at our camping spots from the river or creek. Anyhow, I'm taking small sips because I'm trying... and failing... at rationing my good old creek water. At one point I was sitting on this rock and just about passed out shortly from exhaustion. I was on my own. Some guys were ahead. Some were behind. My Nalgene was in hand. I had just taken a sip, next thing I know, I hear it roll out of my hand. It's bounce on the ground jolts me back to reality and I lunge after it to keep it from falling off my path and down the Canyon. Hours later, I'm 10 yards from the top. It'll literally take me a couple steps to get there. I stop for about a half hour to muster up enough energy to finish. But the feeling of stepping out of that canyon was amazing. I hated that canyon. I didn't even look back to see it. I swore I'd never do it again. I hated everything about it. Our ending point was a tourist destination. I stepped out into a crowd of people. I'm hunched, dragging my feet. I'm haggard, haven't bathed in days. Still wearing the same clothes I jumped in wearing. Some people applaud. Others just look in pure awe. And my mental state immediately changed. I'd hated that canyon, but I conquered it. I volunteered to drive us to this pizza joint, a mere 5 minute drive away, in Grand Canyon Village. Even then, had to give up the wheel cuz I was dozing. I will never see the Grand Canyon the same way. So much more amazement, when I look at it and respect it for how intensely 'grand' it really is.

Long story short, work has been this big mental battle. Stepping foot out of that building on Friday will be nothing short of a feat. However, the kids are the same as the canyon. I grew from getting to know it, but I made absolutely no impact on it. It's no different now than it was before I stepped foot there.

If you care to know more about that last paragraph, there's a lot more to it, feel free to ask... but it doesn't belong here.

When a man(da) loves a woman (minus the -wo)

Okay, this is totally irrelevant, but it's a thought. And what better place for irrelevant thoughts. Anyhow, it has come to my attention that I have this weird thing for Amandas. Be it a Mandy, or just plain Amanda, I seem to always end up with one. Three times in my life have I "dated" one. Most notably, a two point five year relationship with one. Not only that, but I've turned down countless Amandas. Maybe it's this weird coincidence, or I just remember the name better. Long story short, Amandas and Nicks just seem to want to happen.

I actually know this other guy Nick, and he's dating this girl Amanda. And that's just crazy.

Back to the point. Do I just like the name? And seem to treat girls with that name better? Or does having the name Amanda predispose a girl to liking me? I'll be straight with you (no pun intended... just wait, you'll see), I'm really glad there aren't dudes named Amanda.

Now to the questions at hand. I reckon I have positive experiences with the name. I've never met one I didn't like. But, perhaps there's more to this equation. Now, most people would say, "Hey Nick, how could you date a girl with the same name as a girl you were in a long-term relationship with? Wouldn't that be weird? I mean, I think it'd be weird to date a girl with the same name as a previous girlfriend, or even the same name as my mom or sister." And while I'd appreciate your logic, I'll disagree. I know the way this world works, and how I fit into it's crazy little scheme. The mere fact that I asked these very same questions years ago is why they have resurfaced over time... in the manner of it actually happening.

Back after I ended my relationship with Amanda #1, I posed the question "Could I ever date another Amanda?" Really, the same logic. I mean, there's memories associated with that name. In addition to this, I always said I could never date an Ashley (my sister's name) or Marta (mom's name, though not worried about it since she's the only Marta I've ever met). And just because I thought it, it happened. I had a short vibe with a girl named Ashley. Realized that the name has nothing to do with the memories. I actually rarely associated one Ashley with the other. In addition to that, every Amanda in my life has been incredibly different... and none really remind me of eachother. And thus... Life answered my silly little questions. So, that's kind of boring. I wish I had better news for y'all. So now I'll make something up.

All Amandas are indeed attracted to me. It's science. In a short poll I took five minutes ago, 100% of Amandas interviewed said they couldn't get enough of me and wanted to take me out to dinner at a really expensive place, so they can buy me dinner, then take me out to Illinois for mini-golf and build a drive in theater for boats just so we could take her boat to the drive in (and not in the usual way of dragging it behind a truck). I can't argue with facts.

Dreamy Music Videos

Do you ever sleep when you dream?

Many days now, I have this wonderful 'dead' time betwixt class and work, or class and class, or class and skipping class. Anyhow, I've been using this time for naps, or as some might call them 'mid-day slumbers.' Long story short, I lay down, crank up some tunage, and let the music do what it do. And recently 'what it do' has been making me have music video dreams. The beauty of it is that they're all so incredibly different. Most of the time, they're very abstract; but today I had one that changed me a bit (in a totally superficial, possibly deep way).

Today, the song "Hard Candy" by the Counting Crows was somehow meshed into another dream of sorts and created this coherent whole of a story. I've tried and failed at recapturing any glimmers of the dream, but I can tell you it was awesome. The lyrics became a mix between dialogue and narrative. All I know is that it was powerful. I thought the song was just okay before the dream, now I can't seem to get enough of it. I get faint glimpses of the dream every time I hear it.

Anyhow, dreams have been messing with me a lot lately.

Random PS: I figured I'd throw this out there randomly. No idea where the thought came from, but High School relationships are dumb. Stop me if any of this rings true to you.... It may have just been me, but my High School relationship was so much like every romance movie I've ever seen, it was uncanny. And I honestly believe that every immature relationship sounds just like a chick flick. It's really sad that as youth, we get all our dating/relationship cues from the movies and TV. Let me tell you a little about my past. It's been a while since High School, so I laugh at it now. Every time I tried to tell her how I felt, I was waxing poetic. It was bad. I'm not saying that none of it resembled the truth; I'm just saying that it was waaaaaayy exaggerated. Talk about freagin mushy stuff, man. Everything had to be so dramatic. It had to be one way or another. It was crazy. It was mad dashes to the airport to say goodbye one last time. It was 7pm on Lifetime, only I wasn't a stalker or abusive or a dishonest rapist... okay, maybe not off of the Lifetime network (which I might add... if 'male' was a race, Lifetime would be the most racist network on the planet). But, it was 100% chick flick material. My love letters alone could write 2 or 3 scripts. Okay, enough of that. Feel free to leave some love about your High School 'movie' relationships... or wacky dream music vids.

Top Tens

Yeah, I realize my last post was a bit lackluster. Hopefully I can make it up to you. I was reading through Brett's blog and it occurred to me to make a list. Sure, some day I might post my top ten songs of the now, but for now you get the better list. Here it is folks:

Top 10 Songs I Can't Stand: And The Women Who Love Them (okay, not the women who love them, but possibly an explanation to my disdain)

Frankie J - More Than Words: How could Frankie do this to me? If you're going to take a timeless classic from a rock powerhouse like Extreme, you'd better not sound like a soprano possum in a blender.

Creed - My Own Prison: And every single other Creed song. I played this card (and by card I mean song) because it more accurately describes how I feel when I hear it.

Black Eyed Peas - My Humps: Does anybody else think this sounds like a song about breast cancer? I've been told they wrote the song in 15 minutes making fun of current pop music. However, it is now current pop music. That's fine if it's a joke, but they are way better than that. And they have ruined the radio for me.

P!nk - Stupid Girls: I heard this stupid song on the radio the other day, and it confirmed that I should never listen to the radio ever again. Somehow, it's currently number 9 on iTunes top downloads today. How? How? How? This song alone makes me realize why other countries hate America. Not only do we put up with crap like this on the radio, but people actually buy it. Hey, I've got a song idea. It goes something like this, "I'm sitting on my computer and writing a song. It's really dumb and I've got no talent. But guess what, you suckers'll buy it anyways if I throw in a nice beat and manage to play it on the radio. And they'll play anything these days. I win."

Kids Bop CDs: Yeah, I know this isn't a song, but the whole idea gives me nightmares. Typically, I like music until I hear my kids that I work with singing it. I don't know what it is about it, it just gets under my skin. I've had too many of my favorite songs just bludgeoned to pieces by the youth of our day. Actually, I do know what it is. Kids have the worst taste in music. If it's on the radio, on their station, they like it. If not, they hate it. I was the same way... I used to love absolutely dreadful music. So, they've got awful taste in music, they soil my songs by singing with the same dirty lips they just put on that P!nk song.

Trace Adkins - Honky Tonk Badonkadonk: If you've ever heard of Cross Canadian Ragweed, they were passed up by the record label that thought this was a good idea for a song. Needless to say, Ragweed got the better part of the deal. Can you imagine such musical masterminds placed in the same frame of reference as this rubbish. If you've never heard the song, you don't need to. The title speaks mountains. Lesson to any country artist: please, please don't use urban terms. You can't pull it off. Especially years after the term has perished. Dear Mr. Adkins, Big & Rich nearly killed their hit by using the phrase 'bling bling,' learn from their mistakes.

Eminem - Encore Album: Save 2 or 3 tracks, this album was a waste of money. This album was just plain offensive... and I'm not talking about the content. When I say offensive, I'm talking about the effort. No matter what you think about the guy's life, his decisions, his subject matter, you have to admit that this guy has some serious talent. I have been a fan since well before his first single "Hi! My Name Is." He's clever. He's smart. And he's willing to take risks. But his latest effort was absolute drivel. There was no wit. Or, I guess his new version of wit: fart and gay jokes.... and even worse, not clever or funny. The only difference between this CD and a big fart joke is that I actually laugh at fart jokes... or admire their wit to say the least. Heck, I still laugh when somebody pulls a finger, but this just doesn't cut the mustard.

Wow, I thought I could actually get 10. I've got three left... chances are I'll hear all three when I turn the radio on in the shower. Moby nearly made the list, but techno is not music.

So, there you have it. These are the tracks that give me that feeling I had in my tummy the night I tried anchovy and cream cheese pizza.

Trains

I had this thought the other day. "If you're not on the right train, you had better not be on the right track." You might think to yourself, 'Dang just another stupid Nick quote that means absolutely nothing.' And you'd be close to right. There's something good in there and I'll let you figure it out for yourself. It's kinda like the surprise in the middle of a blo-pop. You break through that fancy candy coating and you've got one delectable treat on the inside.

And as far as trains go, I want to share a travelling game with you all. You can do it at home, but it's way better on vacation. It's a little game I like to call "Background... Check." Essentially, you find yourself in a tourist hot spot. From there you look for people getting their picture taken. Then, your job is to get in the background of the picture and act like they were taking the picture of you. Big smiles and body language go a long way in the game. While it's better to not get caught, don't count it as a total loss. To better play the game, think about how great your subjects will feel when they get their photos developed... or see them larger on the computer... and find your beautiful happy face in the background. The main rule of thumb is to be energetic and happy. You don't want to bring them down when they see you. Do it often and be creative.

Another camera game you can play is to go up to people with a camera, and act like you are going to ask them to get a picture of you. Instead, ask if you can get a picture of them. Okay, it's not a great game, but it's fun to do to nice old people.

Ointment.