Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm

Sometimes people hear or read my comments and they say to me, "Nick, you should take life more seriously. I mean, you could die tomorrow." So, that's what I'm going to comment on today. Something really really serious. The most serious thing in the world: SERIOUSNESS. I put that in all caps because I wanted people to know that today I'm going to be serious. For too long I've looked on the light side of things, just trying to see the good side in all circumstances. But there's nothing good to see in seriousness, so I must be serious about it. So, without further ado... let's get serious.

I was always that kid. You know the kid. When you and your friends were listening to more serious music like C & C Music Factory, New Kids on the Block, and Frankie J, I was listening to lighthearted music... like Vanilla Ice and Extreme. I mean, think about it: ice that's vanilla, that's got slapstick written all over it. And as far as Extreme goes, that band picked the name as a joke. Everybody knows they're a light-hearted band and merely picked the name Extreme because it's a really really serious name. Well, people didn't find their little joke funny. What the band didn't know is that society has high expectations for anything EXTREME. And if it is called Extreme, it better freakin be EXTREME. And by EXTREME I don't mean extreme, I mean EXTREME. Extreme sports, Extreme Right Guard, Extreme Tackle and Bait... those things are no joking matter.

What happened to Extreme anyways? I'll tell you what happened. Society deemed them too insincere and hired a thug by the name of Frankie J to take the light-hearted hit 'More Than Words' and toughen it up. What used to be a song about a man's experience with a mime has now been turned into a love song. Why? Love is serious. Mimes clearly are not. And so it was, Extreme's reputation, by request of the people, has been forever tarnished by Frankie J. And we all know he's serious because he sounds like a dying raccoon. When he hits those high notes, you know it's the TRUTH.

But there’s more to seriousness than music. Other things are serious too. Blogs. Blogs are meant for raw emotion and the really important things in our everyday lives. Some people make jocular comments towards Blogs and Bloggers. And those people are making a mockery of society and should probably be shipped off to Kentucky where there is no internet. Kentucky, on the other hand, is not serious.

Here’s a few Kentucky Fried Facts about the Bluegrass (whatever that means) State.

-The song Happy Birthday was written in Louisville. Birthdays are not to be taken lightly. Those people are sensitive about their age and are one year closer to death. That’s like saying “Happy Death-day” to a guy who just got hit by a bus. Not funny.

-More than 500 roses are in the garland presented to the Kentucky Derby winner each year. 500 dead flowers wrapped around a horse. PETA will have a field day on you. And PETA is not to be reckoned with. I once looked up ‘serious’ in the dictionary and saw a picture of PETA. They are See-Ree-Uss. I mean, when’s the last time you frolicked naked with the merry cows and chickens? It doesn’t get more serious than that.

-More than $6 billion worth of gold is held in the underground vaults of Fort Knox. This is the largest amount of gold stored anywhere in the world. What is this? Treasure Island. We’re Americans, not pirates. And we’re supposed to believe there’s buried treasure in there. Yeah, Blackbeard was navigating the Caribbean and crashed the Jolly Roger into Kentucky. If you believe that, you belong there. In Kentucky. Where it’s not serious.

Long story short, things really are serious. And so is my blog. And hopefully I give you some insight into your own life every now and again. You know, be your supply of things that make you go hmmmm.