Solids & Stripes
Okay, y'all haven't heard from me in a while. I meant to put it down before I left, but I was out doing the iditarod. Why back so soon? Well, I forgot I was allergic to dogs and when I got out there and they introduced me to my team, I went into asthmatic shock and nearly died. And when the head dog tried giving me CPR, they had to send me to the hospital. They escorted me through the Royal Peppermint Forest, where Mr. Mint gave me an emergency tracheotomy with a hollowed out candy cane. The sweet nectar of the mint that drizzled through my lungs gave me the bresh burst of life I needed. Now, let me tell you about this Mr. Mint fellow.
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The Legend of Mr. Mint
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His name is Laverneus, but if you call him that to his face, he'll probably slap you back to Princess Lolly's gumdrop patch. All jokes aside, the man's a bit crazy. Nobody's quite sure when he was born, but legend has it, it was a long time ago... and possibly in a galaxy far, far away. Anyways, months after his birth, his parents vacationed to their favorite ski resort: Rocky Road Mountains. Well, for those of you who don't remember the Great Melting of '49, I'll spare you the gory details and simply let you know that led to the peril Dr. and Mrs. Mint. And with his parents gone, nobody wanted little Laverneus. He was passed from one orphanage to another, where the other kids just chipped away at his hard candy shell. It wasn't till the 60's that he was finally adopted by a band of hippies. It was when they left him for Woodstock that he took on his hike through the Poppy Seed Prairie, where he was picked up by a man named Thomas Edison. Yes, THE Thomas Edison. Many people don't know that after he created electricity, he was so ashamed of himself, he went out and started a cult called "the Amish." Well, long story short, he had a bit of a sweet-tooth and brought 'Verne back home with him. There, he learned his trade... cutthroat doctoring. By day, he worked the fields, by night, he studied. One late night, he snuck out to get licensed as a practicing doctor. He returned to an angry mob. They couldn't believe he'd disgrace their community by becoming accepted to the modern world. They stripped him of his loins and shaved away his beard... and chased him out of 'town' with pitchforks and fire. Longing for a group, he joined a gang of rebels. They clothed him in white and rode about looking for trouble... and lived on a steady diet of possum and chicken gizzards. They were the same ignorant, simple people he'd grown up with. Simple clothes, simple lives, simple ideas, and a fascination with fire. Hippies, Amish, and Klansmen. Well, time caught up with Mr. Mint and he took a solid look at himself. A pink man, he was.... with a bright red nose, and red and white striped arms. The guy simply bled America. And this group of friends wasn't what he wanted to be. He despised the ignorance of the groups he hung out with and ran away to the wilderness of Alaska. He was a hermit in his forest. Lived in a little mushroom shape hut made from graham crackers, and mortared together with frosting. He killed and ate gummy bears for breakfast and rode the whales of the Ice Cream Sea for pleasure. A simple man, but also a force to be reckoned with.
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Well, they shipped me off to the hospital for recovery. And I don't know if y'all are familiar with the Alaskan Health Care system, but it's pretty rad. The hospitals are made of emerald and the doctors are walking, talking heaps of chocolate. They pretty much know you're healthy when your doctor stops showing up for work. It's a solid system.
--------------------
The Legend of Mr. Mint
--------------------
His name is Laverneus, but if you call him that to his face, he'll probably slap you back to Princess Lolly's gumdrop patch. All jokes aside, the man's a bit crazy. Nobody's quite sure when he was born, but legend has it, it was a long time ago... and possibly in a galaxy far, far away. Anyways, months after his birth, his parents vacationed to their favorite ski resort: Rocky Road Mountains. Well, for those of you who don't remember the Great Melting of '49, I'll spare you the gory details and simply let you know that led to the peril Dr. and Mrs. Mint. And with his parents gone, nobody wanted little Laverneus. He was passed from one orphanage to another, where the other kids just chipped away at his hard candy shell. It wasn't till the 60's that he was finally adopted by a band of hippies. It was when they left him for Woodstock that he took on his hike through the Poppy Seed Prairie, where he was picked up by a man named Thomas Edison. Yes, THE Thomas Edison. Many people don't know that after he created electricity, he was so ashamed of himself, he went out and started a cult called "the Amish." Well, long story short, he had a bit of a sweet-tooth and brought 'Verne back home with him. There, he learned his trade... cutthroat doctoring. By day, he worked the fields, by night, he studied. One late night, he snuck out to get licensed as a practicing doctor. He returned to an angry mob. They couldn't believe he'd disgrace their community by becoming accepted to the modern world. They stripped him of his loins and shaved away his beard... and chased him out of 'town' with pitchforks and fire. Longing for a group, he joined a gang of rebels. They clothed him in white and rode about looking for trouble... and lived on a steady diet of possum and chicken gizzards. They were the same ignorant, simple people he'd grown up with. Simple clothes, simple lives, simple ideas, and a fascination with fire. Hippies, Amish, and Klansmen. Well, time caught up with Mr. Mint and he took a solid look at himself. A pink man, he was.... with a bright red nose, and red and white striped arms. The guy simply bled America. And this group of friends wasn't what he wanted to be. He despised the ignorance of the groups he hung out with and ran away to the wilderness of Alaska. He was a hermit in his forest. Lived in a little mushroom shape hut made from graham crackers, and mortared together with frosting. He killed and ate gummy bears for breakfast and rode the whales of the Ice Cream Sea for pleasure. A simple man, but also a force to be reckoned with.
==================
Well, they shipped me off to the hospital for recovery. And I don't know if y'all are familiar with the Alaskan Health Care system, but it's pretty rad. The hospitals are made of emerald and the doctors are walking, talking heaps of chocolate. They pretty much know you're healthy when your doctor stops showing up for work. It's a solid system.
posted by Captain Awesome at 11:07 PM
2 Comments:
so what do you think this story means? I take it as a post-modern look inwordly to see the inner child. And that if we find our "Mr. Mint" inside of ourselves life will be as sweet as a bubble gum filled backpack.
I didn't understand it at first, then I did two lines of coke - then it all made sense.
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