Open Season
Lawrence, Ks-- Pocket season opens today and people are talking. The season is looking at its highest turnout in over twenty years... despite much opposition.
Pocket season began with the conception of pockets in the late 1930's by George Washington Carver. Some say that Carver stole the idea from rough drawings in a DaVinci sketchbook. Those early arguments have been researched and discarded as rubbish. Carver's explanation for pockets: "Where else you gon' put your peanut butter?" Due to the popularity of the recently invented peanut butter, pockets became a hot item. People wanted them in their pants, jackets, and shirts. By the time jars were invented in 1946, Carver's pockets had become a valued nutrient to the American clothing diet... and had begun taking over Europe as well as parts of Africa and Asia.
But not everyone was so eager to hop on the pocket-train. Sam Jarr, the creator of the jar, built his product out of spite for the pocket. His idea: if he jarred up peanut butter, there would be no excuse for pockets. His plan worked... at least in its conception. People did stop carrying their peanut butter in their pockets, but they were so in love with the pockets, they put other items in there. That year marked the invention of the wallet and pocketwatch. After a while, people were just content with putting their hands in their pockets. Jarr's plan had backfired and did nothing more than popularize the famed pocket.
The 50's through 70's were slow times, people started to forget about the pocket. People got tired of bulging objects protruding from their clothing. It was just another clothing accessory... that is, 'til the 80's.
The 1980's revived the pocket. Everybody wanted pockets and they wanted them everywhere. Pockets became a status symbol. Jackets came with upwards of 15 pockets... most with zippers. They were even introduced to shoes in 1986 by the 'Roos corporation. Nitro, a member of the American Gladiators was an avid fan of the zipper, "If you don't get pumped when you put on your pockets, you ain't got no pulse, man."
Richard Dean Anderson aka MacGyver said, "If I didn't have pockets, there's no telling how many sticky situations I wouldn't have escaped. I mean, where else would I carry my pocket knife or molding clay... or even my matches? A utility belt? Yeah right, I ain't Batman. You see tights on these legs?"
While heroes of the 80's and 90's brought back the pocket, there was still opposition. Followers of Sam Jarr kept trying to bury the pocket. Their reasoning: "What are they trying to hide?" said spokesman Jerry Crumspel. Crumspel invented the fanny pack in '93 to rid the world forever of pockets. "I'm tired of not seeing hands. I want to see some hands derg nerbit!"
Crumspel was joined by PETA to create a force to shut-down pockets for all time. PETA claims that that the abolition of pockets and all pocketry will save approximately four sheep, two cows and a pig. Where they get their figures: reportedly from Happyland, where people and animals have tea together and eat crumpets made from synthesized oxygen. Everybody skips and sings tra la la.
Pocket season was created in the mid 80's by the PPPPU: People for the Preservation of Pockets... and Public Urination. Their claim is that pockets need to be celebrated. When it starts getting cold, find something, anything to put in those pockets. Wear all the pockets you can. Pick stuff up and fill them with rocks and gems and critters. Larry Jin, PPPPU spokesman said of 2005's Pocket season: "Take advantage of it while you can. Go stick your mitts in a pocket. His pocket, her pocket, it's all open game when it's pocket season."
Pocket season began with the conception of pockets in the late 1930's by George Washington Carver. Some say that Carver stole the idea from rough drawings in a DaVinci sketchbook. Those early arguments have been researched and discarded as rubbish. Carver's explanation for pockets: "Where else you gon' put your peanut butter?" Due to the popularity of the recently invented peanut butter, pockets became a hot item. People wanted them in their pants, jackets, and shirts. By the time jars were invented in 1946, Carver's pockets had become a valued nutrient to the American clothing diet... and had begun taking over Europe as well as parts of Africa and Asia.
But not everyone was so eager to hop on the pocket-train. Sam Jarr, the creator of the jar, built his product out of spite for the pocket. His idea: if he jarred up peanut butter, there would be no excuse for pockets. His plan worked... at least in its conception. People did stop carrying their peanut butter in their pockets, but they were so in love with the pockets, they put other items in there. That year marked the invention of the wallet and pocketwatch. After a while, people were just content with putting their hands in their pockets. Jarr's plan had backfired and did nothing more than popularize the famed pocket.
The 50's through 70's were slow times, people started to forget about the pocket. People got tired of bulging objects protruding from their clothing. It was just another clothing accessory... that is, 'til the 80's.
The 1980's revived the pocket. Everybody wanted pockets and they wanted them everywhere. Pockets became a status symbol. Jackets came with upwards of 15 pockets... most with zippers. They were even introduced to shoes in 1986 by the 'Roos corporation. Nitro, a member of the American Gladiators was an avid fan of the zipper, "If you don't get pumped when you put on your pockets, you ain't got no pulse, man."
Richard Dean Anderson aka MacGyver said, "If I didn't have pockets, there's no telling how many sticky situations I wouldn't have escaped. I mean, where else would I carry my pocket knife or molding clay... or even my matches? A utility belt? Yeah right, I ain't Batman. You see tights on these legs?"
While heroes of the 80's and 90's brought back the pocket, there was still opposition. Followers of Sam Jarr kept trying to bury the pocket. Their reasoning: "What are they trying to hide?" said spokesman Jerry Crumspel. Crumspel invented the fanny pack in '93 to rid the world forever of pockets. "I'm tired of not seeing hands. I want to see some hands derg nerbit!"
Crumspel was joined by PETA to create a force to shut-down pockets for all time. PETA claims that that the abolition of pockets and all pocketry will save approximately four sheep, two cows and a pig. Where they get their figures: reportedly from Happyland, where people and animals have tea together and eat crumpets made from synthesized oxygen. Everybody skips and sings tra la la.
Pocket season was created in the mid 80's by the PPPPU: People for the Preservation of Pockets... and Public Urination. Their claim is that pockets need to be celebrated. When it starts getting cold, find something, anything to put in those pockets. Wear all the pockets you can. Pick stuff up and fill them with rocks and gems and critters. Larry Jin, PPPPU spokesman said of 2005's Pocket season: "Take advantage of it while you can. Go stick your mitts in a pocket. His pocket, her pocket, it's all open game when it's pocket season."
posted by Captain Awesome at 7:50 PM
2 Comments:
I need to be an active member of PPPPU being as I pulled off the K10 highway just the other night and took a leak... thats what happens when you drink too much water in a short amount of time.
Pockets are the greatest invention since Eli Whitney's cotton gin. Let's hear it for pockets! Yea pockets!!
Post a Comment
<< Home